How To Write Your Own Elopement Vows

Writing your own elopement vows may seem daunting at first, but I promise you it is worth the extra effort and will make your elopement day even more meaningful. Elopements and intimate weddings are an incredible opportunity to write your own vows because you are free to speak from the heart without the pressure of a big audience looking on (maybe even get emotional 🙂). 

Now I know what you’re thinking, how could I possibly put everything I feel into words? How do I make my vows sound like me instead of some generic wedding script? Don’t worry, you’re not alone in feeling that way! The truth is, your vows don’t have to be perfect. They don’t have to be long, poetic, or overly fancy. They just have to be yours.

Think of them as a love letter, a collection of promises, and a reflection of your journey together. These are the things that will make your elopement vows meaningful.

So if you’re staring at a blank page or that evil blinking cursor, unsure where to start, I’ve got you. This guide will give you my top ten tips to write meaningful elopement vows, helping you turn all those overwhelming feelings into vows that feel personal, real, and completely you.

Vows Tip 1: Keep It Simple and Speak from the Heart

If you take anything from this guide, let it be this. Keep. It. Simple.

Seriously, don’t overthink this. This isn’t a writing contest and you certainly won’t be judged on your sentence structure. Instead, think of it like having a conversation with your partner, one that happens to be on your wedding day. Your vows don’t need to be filled with big, elaborate words or sound like something out of a Shakespeare play (unless that’s your thing, in which case, go for it). What matters most is that they feel true to you and that you speak from the heart.

If saying, “I love you more than anything, and I promise to always laugh at your terrible “Dad” jokes” feels right, then that’s exactly what you should say! Speak how you naturally speak. Don’t stress about making them sound “wedding-y” or overly polished. The raw and real words that come straight from your heart are the ones that will mean the most.

Vows Tip 2: Decide on the Tone and Style of Your Vows

Building off the last tip, your elopement vows to your partner should reflect who you are. If you are normally playful – write playfully, emotional – write emotionally, witty – add some humor. It’s okay if your wedding vows are different from your partner’s vows because they should sound like you. Your vows don’t need to match in length, tone, or style – they just need to be true to who you are and how you love your partner. If one of you is naturally sentimental and the other leans more toward lighthearted humor, embrace that! That contrast is part of what makes your relationship unique.

Maybe your vows are filled with deep, heartfelt promises, while your partner sneaks in a joke about how they’ll always let you have some of their fries. That’s okay! Your elopement is about celebrating your love in the most authentic way possible, and your vows should reflect that.  Will your vows be emotional? Playful? A mix of both? It’s okay if yours are different from your partner’s—they should reflect who you are.

Vows Tip 3: Spend Time Reflecting on Your Relationship

While the first two tips were about making sure your vows are true to you, now we are getting into the tips about what to possibly include in your wedding vows. But before putting pen to paper, taking a quiet moment to think about your journey together will have a huge benefit! Reflect on your relationship together and what makes it great. Sit with these feelings and jot down anything that comes up as important to you. Don’t worry about having it all make sense yet, just write down a few things about your relationship as they bubble up. 

And if you aren’t sure what to reflect on, here are a few questions to help get you started. Ask yourself: 

What do I love most about my partner? 

When do I feel closest to them? 

How have they changed my life?

What are some of my favorite memories with them?

What promises do I want to make for our future together?

This is your chance to slow down and really feel all the little things that make your relationship special. Once you’ve taken some time to reflect, you’ll likely notice patterns in what you wrote down. Maybe it’s their unwavering support of your dreams, the adventures you’ve shared, or the way they make even the most ordinary days feel incredible. These are the things that deserve a place in your vows.

Vows Tip 4: Make a List of What You Love About Your Partner

Wedding vows are about professing your love after all, so making a list of things you love about your partner just makes sense! Express these things to them during your vows. Tell them what they mean to you. Talk about their best qualities and the ones that make them so easy for you to love them. What are some personality traits that make you appreciate them? Think about what life would be like without them, what would you miss most? 

Maybe it’s their kindness, their sense of humor, or the way they always know exactly what to say when you’ve had a rough day. Maybe it’s the way they dance like a goofball when they think no one is watching or how they never forget the little things that matter to you. Whatever it is, say it.

This is your chance to remind them why they’re the person you choose, today and every day after. Be specific. The more personal and real your words are, the more powerful they’ll be.

Vows Tip 5: Write Down Promises That Truly Matter

Wedding vows are also about your commitment to your partner. So think to yourself, what do I genuinely want to promise to this person? Think about how you will continue to love this person no matter what and what that promise means to you. Focus on what actually matters in your relationship. Sure, you could promise to love them forever, but what does that really look like in your daily life? Maybe it’s promising to always make them laugh, even in the rough patches of life. Maybe it’s vowing to always show up for them, not just in the big moments, but in the small, quiet ones too.

Think about the things that will hold true no matter what life throws your way. Will you promise to be their biggest supporter, their safe place, their adventure partner? Will you vow to always make time for date nights, to listen with an open heart, or to never stop learning and growing together? Whatever your promise or promises, make sure you express it in your vows.

Vows Tip 6: Consider the Future You’re Building Together

Wedding vows should consider the future too, not just your past relationship together. What kind of marriage do you want with each other? What values will you uphold in your marriage? Think about the adventures that you want to go on together, how you’ll navigate anything that life throws at you, and how you will continue to choose each other.

What are some goals that you have for your marriage? Maybe it’s a commitment to always communicating openly, supporting each other’s dreams, or never losing sight of the fun in your relationship.

Your vows are a chance to dream out loud—to paint a picture of the life you’re building together.

Vows Tip 7: Write a Draft, Then Edit

Now that you know everything that you want to include in your wedding vows, it’s time to write them down in your first draft. I do this thing in my own personal life that I call “poundings”. Basically, anytime I want to write about something going on in my life and reflect, I sit down and type furiously, without a care for punctuation or grammar, but purely writing with feeling. A stream of consciousness if you will. 

That’s exactly what you should do for your first draft of your vows. Gather all of the things you want to say and just write with feeling. Don’t worry about how it sounds yet. First drafts should be messy. Write freely first and then refine/edit.

Vows Tip 8: Practice Reading Your Vows Out Loud

Now that you have a somewhat refined draft, it’s time to read your vows out loud for the first time. Most likely the first time you read them, you won’t be totally satisfied yet and they may even sound a little awkward. Now is the time to tweak them until they feel natural. Are there any words that feel clunky or unnatural when spoken? Do any sentences feel too long or complicated? Adjust them until they flow easily and how you’d say them in a real conversation.

Practicing out loud also helps with nerves. By the time your elopement day arrives, your vows will feel familiar and easy. 

If it helps, read them to a close friend or even just to yourself in the mirror. The goal isn’t to memorize them word for word, but to feel confident and connected to what you’re saying. That way, when the moment comes, you will be able to focus on your partner instead of worrying about the words you’ve written. Again, don’t overcomplicate it.

Vows Tip 9: Vow Books and Have a Backup Copy

As an elopement photographer, I always recommend writing your vows in a vow book (it looks way better in photos and gives you a way to have your vows forever). Bonus, you’ll be able to use them again if you ever want to do a vow renewal too! You can even use the extra pages to journal the experience that you had on your elopement day together! 

Here are some of my favorite vow books:

My Favorite (Elegant and Woodsy)

LGBTQ+ Friendly Vow Books

Amazon Vow Books

Even when you write your vows in a vow book, I always recommend having a backup on your elopement day, just in case. This could be a note on your phone or something similar. It’s always a good idea to have a backup in the event that you lose your vow book.

Vows Tip 10: Be Present and Embrace the Moment

This is it, the moment you have been anticipating, waiting for, and maybe anxious for. The moment that you read your vows to your partner. Take a deep breath, soak it all in. Embrace the moment and be present.

You don’t have to be perfect here, just be real. Be you. And most of all, express your love and speak to your partner. If your emotions take over, let them. Tears, laughter, and shaky voices all mean that your words matter. So don’t hold back. Look into your partner’s eyes and let yourself feel every bit of this moment. This is what it’s all about – the two of you, standing together, speaking from the heart.

If you stumble over a word or need to pause, that’s okay. This isn’t about perfection; it’s about honesty, love, and the commitment you’re making. Your partner isn’t expecting a flawless performance and I promise they just want to hear your heart. So take a deep breath, be present, and let your words be a true reflection of the love you share.

Writing Your Own Meaningful Elopement Vows

At the end of the day, your vows are yours and no one else’s. Even though you are reading this guide about tips to write your own wedding vows, there’s no right or wrong way to write them, no perfect formula to follow. So take a deep breath, slow down, and give yourself permission to write from the heart. Whether they’re short and sweet, deep and poetic, or sprinkled with inside jokes, what matters most is that they feel true to you and the love you share.

So don’t rush the process. Take your time, reflect, and let the words come naturally. Your elopement day is about celebrating your love in a way that feels most authentic to you, and your vows should do the same. No pressure, no expectations. Just you, your partner, and the promises you’re making to each other. And that? That’s what makes them meaningful.

To give you a little inspiration, here are the personal vows I wrote for my own wedding, which reflect everything I’ve shared here.

Elopement Vows Inspiration

“I, Bryan, take you L, to be my wife, my companion, and my best friend.

I promise to care for you, stand beside you, and share with you all of life’s adversities and all of its joys. No matter what comes our way, we’ll face it with laughter, love, and the comfort of knowing we’re in it together.

I take you as you are, loving you for who you are now and everything you’re yet to become. I love you for the big things: your kindness, your strength, the way you see the world, and for the little things. Like the way you make me laugh with the silly little noises you make. The way even the most ordinary days feel like an adventure with you. And how just sitting next to you makes anywhere feel like home.

I vow to always be your safe place, your best teammate, and your biggest fan. I promise to respect and cherish you, not only as my partner but as your own incredible, unique individual, supporting your dreams with as much fervor as I pursue my own. And as much as I love you, I promise I’ll keep asking “What?” when you start talking to the plants at home. 

Knowing that we do not complete but complement one another, I will love you for exactly who you are, never trying to change you, only growing alongside you. You are a constant reminder that life with you is everything I’ve ever dreamed of, and nothing else matters as long as I have you by my side.

With God as my witness, this is my promise to you, for all the days of our life.”

Now get to writing! You got this! And make sure to check out more of my resources for elopements:

Top Reasons to Elope: Real Couples Weigh In

How to Plan An Elopement from Start to Finish

How to Make an Elopement Special And Unique

Contact Me About Your Elopement