A Common Stressor For Couples Eloping

When deciding to elope, one of the most common stressors for couples is how to tell their family and loved ones. It’s usually a difficult conversation and can be filled with disappointment, confusion, and even hurt in some cases.

When couples get engaged, everyone’s expectation is the big traditional wedding. It is how society has taught us to think. Your dream of your wedding day can often become the dreams that others have for your wedding day. This can lead to couples giving in to societal pressures instead of following their heart and having a wedding that they truly long for. One of the main reasons this can happen is couples aren’t quite sure how to tell their loved ones they want to elope.

Look, I get it! Telling your friends and family that you don’t want the traditional wedding they have always dreamed of for you can be very intimidating (whether you have a good relationship with them or not).

Fortunately, there are some ways that you can make this conversation easier and even get your loved ones involved in your day! Here are 5 steps you can follow to help put your family at ease.

Step 1 : Tell them in person

In the digital age where it can be tempting to text or call about things, I recommend telling your loved ones face to face as soon as you have made your decision to elope. If you can’t meet up with them in person for whatever reason, facetime can work too!

Just make sure not to tell them over social media or text. Your family and loved ones deserve the respect of being told in person for something this important.

An in person meeting allows you to make your intentions clear and avoid confusion. This conversation likely won’t be an easy one, so I recommend bringing your partner along for support because they can serve as an extra voice on your team.

Allow your family to ask questions, allow them to feel whatever they are feeling, and be sensitive to their opinion during this initial conversation.

Step 2: Share your reasons why you want to elope

Sharing your reasons why is going to be an important part of your conversation with your loved ones. Speak from the heart and truly tell them why you don’t want the traditional big wedding.

Speak with excitement about eloping and they will be more likely to come to terms with your decision. If you aren’t exactly sure why you want to elope, make sure you think about it before this conversation. Some common reasons why couples elope are:

• Want the day to be about them

• Intentionality and Intimacy

• Less Stress and Anxiety

• Simplicity

• Experience driven

• Authenticity

• Wanting to not be the center of attention

• Adventure seeking

I don’t have personal experience with having a conversation about eloping, but I do have experience telling loved ones something that they may not have wanted to hear.

I went to school for engineering and right out of college I wanted to do something that wasn’t engineering related at all. My loved ones were confused and initially upset, but it was because I never expressed why I thought the other career was important to me.

It’s also important to remember that other people’s expectations for you are often not fair, as it is what they have in mind for you. But decisions in YOUR life are ultimately YOURS. Just like decisions about YOUR wedding day are YOURS.

Once I told them why and they could see my excitement, they were much more understanding. Having a strong why gives loved ones a sense of passion, excitement, and value.

Step 3: Understand their perspective too

There are still going to be loved ones and family that are upset or confused. And that’s okay! You should take some time to understand their perspective too. Imagine if you had a daughter and you want nothing but the best for her. You want her to have the best wedding day imaginable and in your mind elopements mean that the family disapproves of the marriage and the couple wants to run away in secrecy. Then, your daughter tells you that she wants to have an elopement instead of a big wedding. You would no doubt be in a little bit of shock!

Remember that this is the perspective that a lot of people have about elopements. If you understand that, you can also educate them on what an elopement can look like today. Show them pictures of an elopement day that you had in mind or read to them what an elopement experience might look like. This will give them a representation of how great elopements can be!

Step 4: Get them involved and document everything

Once you have told your family and loved ones you are eloping, try to get them involved with the day! There is still quite a bit of planning that goes into an elopement day. From wedding attire, travel plans, lodging, flowers, and honeymoon plans, there are plenty of areas you could have them help.

If you want to have them really involved, consider making your elopement and intimate wedding. That is the beauty of the elopement definition today, it doesn’t have to just be you! You can still invite your closest friends and family to come along.

Whether it is for the whole day, just your vows, or a party at an awesome Airbnb afterwards, you can invite them along for any of it. Or you can keep the whole thing just the two of you and have a phone set up to video your elopement live or have your loved ones write you letters to read on your big day. There are so many small and big ways to have your family involved throughout the entire process!

No matter how much you want to include your family and friends, it is important to have documentation of your day. That’s where I come in! I focus on storytelling through my photographs and will make sure to tell the entire story of your elopement day.

Getting ready, the first look, hiking up the mountains, goofy laughs in between, saying your vows, holding each other as newlyweds, sharing a meal together, and dancing under the stars. I will capture it all. After your elopement, you could have a slideshow viewing party to really make your loved ones feel like they were there!

Step 5: Remember that Your Wedding Day is about You

No matter what, after you tell your family and friends, there will be some resistance. There will still be people trying to change your opinions, just like there are for big traditional weddings.

But don’t give in, because at the end of the day, this is YOUR wedding day. You have already said you are eloping for a reason and you know what you want for your day. Don’t let some hurt feelings steer you off course.

Your wedding day is about you. You won’t ever be able to control what some people think. All that matters is that you are happy with your decision, and if those close to you care, they will be happy for you too.

Telling your family you are eloping

For some couples, this can be an easy conversation, but for many it’s not. Make your intentions clear from the beginning and ask for their support face to face. Remember to also understand their perspective and give them time to understand yours.

As you tell them, remember that there are also many ways to have family and friends involved in your wedding day, even if they aren’t physically present for you saying your vows.

However, don’t compromise your wedding experience because ultimately, this day is about you. Don’t let expectations overrun your day. Don’t let anyone tell you how to have your wedding day be special. Follow your heart and do the things that matter most to you!